My boyfriend doesn't understand the loss of my father...?
To make a long story short,my dad was my best friend,& I was a very big daddys girl.He was diagnosed with Leukemia.Suddenly a week after the diagnosis, Nov. 23rd 2005,My dad died.My world was crushed. My mom totally lost it and wasn't mentally able to make decisions herself.I was 18, my sister was 21.We made most of the funeral arrangements ourselfs.But my boyfriend doesnt seem to understand why I get down about it sometimes.I think im dealing with it pretty good.The only time ive cried recently was because my boyfriend told me to get over it,and its not normal to grieve this long and I have to realize hes not coming back.I know this,but sometimes you need someone to listen,especially since I always have to be strong for my mom.I feel really close to my boyfriend but his views on death are so different then mine.Im not sure if him being in Iraq and seeing death so much maybe doesnt effect him as bad as others.Is it so wrong to mourn the loss of my dad sometimes?Am I really crazy?
My best friend of 9 years lost her father when she was 8 and I always had a hard time trying to understand why she would be sad on certain occasions. But once I lost my dad I totally understand her pain. The thing is, shes extremely close to her mom. I am not. Not only did I lose my father but I lost my mother as well. As hard as it sounds, maybe its better that way. Me and my sister are close, she grieves in a totally different way and has been inflicting her pain through alcohol. She has not yet faced the fact that he is dead. She can't talk about him or look at his pictures. Period. I guess people do grieve in different ways. I love my boyfriend alot, and I know we may have the opposite opinions about death but I guess I have to accept that. Thank you guys for the support. I wish I could give you all best answer :)
- Julie M
the people we love are the people we really want to understand our pain but as much as you want him, to understand how you feel he cant because he sees death different because he sees it everyday but it dont mean he don't feel pain he just deals with it i a different way to other people.
no your not crazy it will take sometime but don't try and make your self better for him just relax and when you feel like crying cry don't hold it in.you will never get over it but you will j be able to cope better you will be OK.
hope this helps.
- Erin
No you're not crazy, and its ok to mourn, however 3 years is a long time to hold on to this, its not healthy. Maybe you should look to talk to psychologist who can help you deal with your emotions. She/he will we able to offer a non-judgmental ear that your boyfriend cannot.
- lunatic
No, you are not crazy.
I have helped facilitate several grief support groups and have learned that everyone grieves differently and at their own rate. Unfortunately, there are those close to us that do not realize that with grief comes profound change. Your friend wants you back the way you were and you will eventually be better but never the person he used to know.
Do a search on "Griefshare.org" to learn more about support groups in your area and how you can share your grief with others who understand what you are going through and will listen and accept hearing about your pain.
Some in the groups I have led experienced their loss less than six months before and others who avoided grief for over ten years.
Perhaps your mother, sister and you should attend a group together. I have seen people absolutely devestated take great strides on the way back to joy.
- Erica
My husband lost his grandmother and grandfather when he was 17 years old. He is now 25 years old and still breaks down and cries over his loss. He doesn't cry all the time!
Its normal and acceptable to grieve every so often, especially around holidays and other special occasions. Besides, your father didn't pass away that long ago! It's only been a couple of years and it can still feel new at times.
You haven't stopped missing your father and it's okay not to stop missing him. It's difficult when you have to be strong all the time because we are emotional and need to break down and cry on occasion. Stress and depression can do this.
As long as you are able to function and live a productive life, there is no reason why you can't feel sad once in a while. If it's a chronic issue, then I would encourage counseling, but it doesn't seem to be the case, in my opinion.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have different views on this subject and needs to learn to respect each other's views.
- Joy
Sorry about your loss. You will NEVER get over the loss of your Dad. I have been without mine for 30 years and I still cry and I still miss him. However you have to go on with living, YOU didn't die your Dad did. Your boyfriends is going through an emotional time day after day right now. Don't take anything he says too serious because he is in a battle right now and he faces death everyday. He has been taught to over come the death issue in order to survive. If he allowed it to get to him, he would be home in a body bag.
It will get better as time goes by and you will learn to do things again without your Dad in the picture. But your life has changed and you feel left behind. Keep thinking that you are doing what your Dad wanted you to do and carry on for him. He wants you to be happy so be happy for him.
Leukemia — Comprehensive overview covers symptoms, causes, risk factors, treatment of this blood-related cancer.
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