Should I kill myself?
I have been clinically depressed for a long time, and things haven't gotten better. Maybe temporarily, sometimes, but they always slide back to how it was before. My childhood was rough--I grew up with a brother two years my junior who battled leukemia twice. This began when I was 4, and was constantly trying to get some form of attention from my parents. I hated my life, and just wanted to be shown 1/2 of the love that he was given. In adolescence, my relationship with my father worsened. My parents were extremely strict, not allowing me to have any contact with other kids outside of school. I developed a serious panic disorder, which caused heart problems and even gave me an ulcer at the age of 13. I was constantly seeking male attention. It wasn't until I matured that I got it, and I got a lot of it. I became extremely promiscuous at the age of 17, hoping that each sexual encounter would make me feel better about myself. It didn't. I began to become what some may label as a 'sex addict,' watching porn for hours every day and masturbating many times. Additionally, when I was 16, I began my downward spiral into bulimia. Words cannot describe how painful, exhausting, and absolutely horrible my experience with this disorder has been. It is around this time that my depression became unbearable as well. My health and happiness have both gone completely down the toilet. I have also, for the past 3 years, been desperate to be in a relationship, but haven't had a serious boyfriend since my senior year of high school. Now that I am a 20 year old female, I couldn't feel more alone and worthless. The worst part is, that when I try to talk to someone about my suicidal thoughts, they always try to bring up the fact that I "have money" and "go to an ivy league school." I wish they could know that this does not make me happy. My parents have money, not me, and I know first-hand that money does not buy happiness. I go to an ivy league school because I rejected a social life in high school and obsessed over grades, never slept, and tried to control the one aspect of my life that I knew I could. I thought going to my dream school would make me happy. It doesn't. I'm gossiped about and judged by people I haven't even met. To make matters worse, I am still dealing with my bulimia and depression, and I have lost all hope that these issues will ever be made better. I hate to sound like a self-pitier, but I can't take this anymore. For years and years now, I have always kept hope that things will get better, but they have just gotten worse. They certainly won't get better now. I hate everything about myself and my life. So as stupid as I am for asking this question on an online forum, what do you think? Should I kill myself?
I am already seeing a therapist and it isn't helping.
- Cassedy M
Absolutely not! Everyone deserves a full and happy life.
Maybe your life so far isn't your ideal life, but you have your whole life ahead of you! You can make a change!
I'm sure you're a beautiful person and killing yourself wouldn't do anyone any good.
- HopeItHelps
NOOO ! oh my goodness. please dont do that.
that wont make things better.
stick through it.
keep your chin high ,
your better then all this drama!
- Mandy Graf
Absolutely not. Everything bad that has happend in the past is in the past. Even though you're still bulimic and depressed, that can be fixed. You just need to have a better attitude on life, try being positive. You're only 20, that's not an okay age to go :[. I'm sure you're beautiful and can do a lot with your life<3 And do NOT commit suicide. People love you and that will hurt them so much. It's not worth it. Everything in your life happens for a reason, and things should get better if you work on them. Maybe see a therapist to help?
I hope you get better :)
- So Close 2 Death
i am only 14, and i know you shouldnt kill yourself. i have tried, and you dont feel better, you dont feel relieved, u feel terrible. and guilty. please dont do it. i have all the same things as you.. bulimia, depression. i have no friends and my father abuses me. please don't kill yourself. PLEASE. <3 You Are Beautiful.
- THE CANNIBAL
No,you should call a help hotline.I had friends that one i saved 2 times.today he says he,s happy i did.
someone will miss you,a neighbor even,many i knew were worse,they never gave up hope,
i almost did.but people care for others believe me.just get help and you will even meet new friends.
then you can watch out for each other.that you have to look forward to...take care.
Leukemia — Comprehensive overview covers symptoms, causes, risk factors, treatment of this blood-related cancer.
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