Is this a good beginning to my story?
I am writing a story about a girl who's best friend has gotten leukemia. I want to show her eternal struggle as she tries to keep on a hopeful appearance for her friend, and how all the events that transpire effect her. I want to know if I'm off to a good start or if i should just trash it. Thanks.
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Hi. My name is Harmony Canton, and I am most likely a complete stranger to you. I was never one to speak up in class, or join a club or anything like that. I tried to avoid being in the proximity of anyone in my age group for longer than necessary, except for one person. Melony Eckhart. Yes, I know; harmony, and melody. It's no news to me how well our names go together. I used to think that it was destined that we would end up meeting one day, had we not met when we did. But ever since IT happened, I'm not sure if I believe in destiny of fate anymore. It now seems as mythical to me as magic, or Santa Clause. They say that sickness can take a huge toll on a person's body. That it can totally drain them until they would rather die than deal with all the exhaustion and pain that it has caused them. But what they don't tell you is that those same exact things happen to the people that care about them the most.
I meant to say internal. Not eternal. That makes me look a little bit stupid now doesn't it? Haha. That's why it's in first person.
- happy twins
not bad
- Carin
I liked the intro overall. I do have a few suggestions though. First, the opening isn't very exciting, it doesn't draw the reader in as well as it could. Perhaps consider beginning with, "I was never one to..."
Also, towards the end of the paragraph, you begin to tell the reader what's going to happen in the story, why not just show them?
Good start overall, I think this will be a very interesting story. Keep writing :)
- freehandscribe
Never "JUST TRASH IT.' Writing is re-writing! So far so good. Im not one for these types of stories, but I love how you're introducing the character. Already unique. Keep going with, if it doesn't fit when finished, just re-write.
- Allusionary
Good introduction. Why does your story need a first person narrative? Is it told in first person? Or is this an excerpt from a journal of some sort?
I recommend Writers' Communities. http://sites.google.com/site/allusionsanddreams/home/resources-1
Its good to chat with other writers and get feedback.
- Star
OMG, I loveee it!!! Keep writing!!!!!!
Leukemia — Comprehensive overview covers symptoms, causes, risk factors, treatment of this blood-related cancer.
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