my revised story, let me know if u like it or not?

my revised story, let me know if u like it or not?
It was a cold winter night at Johnston Willis hospital where Lindsey was in labor. This would be her first child, and being a mother was all she could dream of. Although Lindsey did not know all the pain she would have to go through in her life while this child was growing up. So let's go back to the night Catharine was born, November 6th 1985.
Months past and everything was just wonderful. She had her 2nd birthday party and all her family came to visit. They saw her as the perfect baby and it would always stay that way. Once Catharine turned 3, there wasn't more worrying going on between the parents then there was celebration. Catharine could tell that her parents were concerned. She was looking slightly skinner then usual and she was rarely in the mood to eat, her mother had to constantly remind her to finish her food. It was about that time of the year that she was having her annual checkup. Her mom and dad were really anxious for this because they wanted to find out if there was anything wrong with her.
It was 7a.m. and mom, dad, and Catharine were pulling out of the driveway. This would be a stressful couple days ahead of them. The Dr.Colling saw that there were some changes in Catharine than from the last checkup. He took some blood from her and then had a sit-down talk with her parents. Who knows what was said in that room but the mother came out and gave her daughter the biggest hug. Then the family left, but would be back the following week to get the results of the blood he took. As the week passes by, Catharine noticed that she was getting more attention then usual. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not because she had a feeling that there was a reason for this. They arrived at the Doctors office a little late because Catharine just wouldn't eat her breakfast and now she was starting to put up a fight about it. The doctor called the family to his room. He was talking very quietly and I think that is because he new that what he was about to say would effect their lives for the rest of there life.
There was no easy way to put what the doctor was about to say but it had to be said. "I am so terribly sorry, but your daughter has tested positive for leukemia." At that time Catharine didn't totally under what that was but all she new is that her mom just started to burst out into tears. Her father was comforting her as best as he could but he just couldn't hold himself back from breaking down either. The doctor tried to continue but he could see that Catharine meant so much to them and that news was already devastating enough.
Immediately after that appointment the mom was doing every possible thing to help the situation. She quit her job so she could be at home and accompany Catharine day and night. As the daughter started her treatment, the mother became more insecure. All she could think about were the negatives and the chance of Catharine making it through. All of this was new to Catharine but soon it would just become her routine; A routine that would takeover her childhood. She would not live an average young girl's life. Her life would be full of boundaries. She wouldn't have time for friends, play dates, or other activities other children her age will be enjoying.
As months pass times get harder. Her skin is very pail and covered with burses all over. She is very week and is never in the mood to do active stuff. Catharine isn't gaining weight either but is starting to have little apatite. After about a week of eating a little something each meal, things begin to change, she throws up at least one of her meals each day. Catharine would rather not eat then eat, knowing she was going to get sick after. The doctors say that the treatment they are giving her doesn't seem to be making much of a difference.
One whole year has passed with using the treatment. Her symptoms aren't getting worse but they aren't getting better either. At this point in her life, Catharine has realized that she probably doesn't have much longer to life for and she is limited to what she can do. So from that point on she just try's to look at life in a different way that she was. She now sees life as a gift each day and values it while she has it. It is hard for her to do this when she has her mother constantly watching her and making sure she isn't doing to put herself at risk. Her mother is so cautious about everything and Catharine just try's to imagine sometimes that she is a regular kid but her mother is constantly doing things to remind her that she isn't.
More months go by and things are starting to get worse. Catharine gets out of bed maybe once a week other then to go to the bathroom and the leukemia is not making a difference. She rarely eats and when she does it doesn't stay down, most of the time Catharine is dehydrated. She isn't even well enough to live at home anymore. She now lives in the hospital where fluids are going in her at all times so she is no longer dehydrated. Even though s

- Plomp
I couldn't get past the second paragraph, sorry. It seems like i'm reading the summary of a story rather than the actual story.

It's devoid of life, and it you're very much telling us everything that happened rather than showing us. Also you need much more description.

Good luck and happy new year.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments! Leukemia Problems Remedies | FIGHT CANCER INFO
Leukemia — Comprehensive overview covers symptoms, causes, risk factors, treatment of this blood-related cancer.

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