Need your opinion on this novel?

Need your opinion on this novel?
ive edited my novel's overview so you can know more what is going on. it's a young adult's mystery novel and i'm still working on it (i'm turning 15 btw). here's the overview of the new:

Since Rachel Charlotte Brown was diagnosed of leukemia, things had gone absolutely wrong in the family; first, her mother left her without any reason, second, her father had entirely changed and lived in his new girlfriend's apartment instead. Her grandma that she never knew before moves in to her apartment but does nothing except for knitting and watching TV and taking Rachel to the hospital. Rachel's only escape was her best friend, Daniel Johnson and her distant cousin, Jessica Hammocks. Rachel thought it was her leukemia that caused her family's problems but finding a mysterious old book in her apartment's storeroom that belonged to her departed grandfather, she had to give a second thought on who was causing her family's problems…

I need your opinion, would you like to read the novel? Do you find it captivating?What should I improve? Any suggestions? It's not sherlock holmes type of science stuff but it still has a little bit of science in it. Thank you.

- cassbunny
Mysterious old book in attic? Uhmm... I'm sorry but that's kinda cheesy. However, if your writing style is good, it won't matter that much. Oh, and I hope you describe the emotions well too (emotions are important!!) :D best of luck!!!

- rosie
I like it!

- Professor C.
Hello again. Before I begin, I have to warn you. I am very blunt. I do not believe in sugar-coating for I believe it accomplishes nothing for you. So, here goes. Well, I have to say that anything with "mysterious old" in the description hooks me. I'm a sucker for a good mystery novel. That being said, if I read this on the back of the book, I'd put it back down. Here's why: You need an editor, other than yourself, who knows grammar. Because you speak a certain way, whether with friends or family, you may not realize when some mistakes are made. You can't imagine how much impact this has on a reader. Something simple, such as verb tense shifts can confuse a reader, and make him or her want to stop reading. That's the way I felt reading this. Again, I'm just being honest, as an agent or publisher would be to you as well. Here are some things you need to think about as you write:
1. Who's story am I telling? - This is your protagonist. Stick to his or her point of view for most of what you write.
2. Am I being consistent? - If you start telling a past-tense story, everything should revolve around that. If you switch tenses, it has to be important.
3. Does my main character arc? - One thing readers hate the most about amateur writers is that they don't know how to "change" their protagonists. Make sure your character does.
4. Is my plot strong enough? - The second-most at-fault part that ruins a story is plot. If your plot doesn't move, readers lose interest. Be sure that each major decision by your protagonist moves the plot along. Build tension, suspense, and stakes. If you're not sure what all this means, then stop what you're doing and read a book.

I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean a very specific book. It's called "Save the Cat" by Blake Snyder. You can find it on Amazon, or linked below. It's a life-saver. Cherry-flavored, in fact. Read that and you'll understand why I tell you the things I tell you.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments! Leukemia Problems Remedies | FIGHT CANCER INFO
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